I want my Oscar...

I find that the older I get the less interest I have in celebrating others...or at least other that don't really do much, and I'm not just referring to most men here.

I'm talking about celebrities. By the end of "awards season" we will have celebrated them many times over for one piece of work. This piece of work may have touched us emotionally or made us think more deeply but even that may be stretching it. Maybe I'm bitter and I'll be the first to admit this but I don't feel like jumping up and down because someone got paid a hole lotta money to act in a film that most of us wont remember this time next year.

What if we honored real Mom's this much every year? What if Mom's who live in work clothes or live in "Mom" clothes were able to dress up and walk a red carpet *gasp* kids free and have fathers, yes fathers, in the stands cheering our names and asking for our autographs?

Who would receive the "Able to hold a small child, unload the dishwasher, cook dinner, and supervise homework award?", or the "Worked all day, picked up kids, drove them to all their events, and then made love to their husbands award?". Just the shear act of love making is sometimes a hell of a lot more acting than some Oscar nominees can pull of.

Why don't we Mother's come together and throw ourselves a big ol' party? We could each get up on a stage and thank all of the people who helped us through the sleepless nights, the emotional roller coasters, the hemorrhoids and vomiting, the millionth time some small person said no and we refrained from just slapping the yes into them.


Why don't we do this you ask? We don't do this because we would have to do it for ourselves. We plan everything. Mother's don't have awards seasons because who has time to throw in appreciating ourselves, furthermore appreciating ourselves for multiple months??? I sometimes can't go to the bathroom for hours how can I plan an awards show?

Instead once a year we turn on the tv, watch fancy people dress up, and imagine ourselves receiving accolades because that's pretty much the extent of our time. We don't get to thank those who helped us get through each day but we know they understand we value them because their Mom's too.

In the end we may not get our own Oscar but we have moments where a snuggle or a cleaned room or a wonderful card from our child mean so much more than anything Oscar can give. I suppose being a Mom is an awards season...or maybe just bedtime is?

Where did all the sleep go?

I awoke the other morning in a most familiar way...

I may have mentioned once or twice that I am not a morning person. This is a bit of a troublesome situation since that is when I exercise. Every night I set my alarm clock to 5:00am and every morning someone who is in my bed, possibly me, turns it off. It's really starting to cut into my elliptical time.

So back to my morning. I wake up to Sydney yelling at me because unlike her Mother she is adamant about being on time and apparently she feels I am not being helpful by still sleeping at 7:30am. I jump, more like slowly rise, out of bed when I remember that David is gone and I must ensure everyone is dressed and have lunches packed by 8:00am. My husband is the morning person and so he takes that shift, however he sometimes has to leave early and so it falls back to me, the person who is not so keen on early rising. Why don't they let kids of parents who are tired and needing more rest go to school later, say 11:00???

I walk down the hall to find that someone has wet a bed, someone else has spilled fruit loops all over the floor with a little milk to boot, and another someone (furry I might add) has peed on the floor. I then hesitantly continue on to find Rusty still fast asleep and like a sleeping lion cub I am hesitant to wake him in fear of being attacked (he did awake but mostly because of the bribery). I move out to the kitchen to find Avery, who is none too helpful, watching tv in his drawers and Colby stretched out next to him. I then finally I discover that since taking Shelby out of bed she has managed to pull every toy out of every toy chest and disappear with ninja like abilities to start eating the fruit loops that are still on the floor.

The next 20 minutes are fast forwarded like a cheesy movie about large families running a muck, yet in this tale no kids were left home alone, though the Mom in the story would love to be left home alone. 

By 8:00am everyone was where they were supposed to be. All was right in our world and Dad didn't need to know the difference. Honestly for kicks I told him I woke right when he left and prepared a huge breakfast for all five kids while teaching them about geography and then proceeded to carry them to school on my back to really up the guilt card for the next time he's running behind.

I know some day I'll get this morning routine down. That or they'll all be grown and I'll just sleep in but regardless it never gets easier. 


Just out of curiosity how do mornings run at your home?

Poop patrol

I am officially on Poop watch 2011. Shelby has decided that being cute wasn't enough so she's added some naughty in as well to stir the pot a bit.

Last night my husband was working late and so I was home with all the kiddos. Since it's apparently inappropriate to drink away their cries I tried my best to appease them all the minute each one needed something (which is every min). In the midst of this controlled chaos Miss Shelby decided she didn't just like wearing pearls she wanted to eat one as well.

I tried very hard to retrieve said item to no avail. It also took every bit of my mothering mite to not overact, run down the street screaming in horror and call the fire department (they prefer to only be called for "emergencies" I'm told). Needless to say when there is an emergency in our house I'm not usually the person everyone runs to for help. In fact unless the place is on fire and I'm sleeping they usually try to not even alert me to any danger or potential disaster. Supposedly you are an "overreactor" if you know the fire department call dispatchers by name.

Anywho, I did give my husband a very frantic call and tried my best not to harm him when he did finally return home from work and then refused to take a non choking, breathing perfectly, child to the er after working all day(I swear).

Being a bit more mature (we'll say) I rationally decided that she must not be slowly dying from the inanimate object lodged in her chest and she should soon pass said inanimate object. (btw spelling inanimate object was quite a challenge).


Because I still am fairly irrational I did wake every hour last night to check if she was breathing, she was, so was my husband who did not enjoy the hourly wakings. If you're wondering you may be more inclined to let your kids play in the street once you have enough for your own basketball team but irrational fears always rear their ugly head.

After giving Shelby as much fiber filled foods as I possibly could today she did finally poop. No pearl amidst that jewel of a diaper but there's still tomorrow. As I look back on my childhood and my hope of motherhood I do not recall ever imagining opening a diamond and searching for jewelery as a real selling point of the job.

I do think this is a rather metaphorical story in that some days it feels like I am looking through a big pile of poop for the jewel that gets me through till tomorrow...and hopefully tomorrow I'll find it.

A 5th child's birthday party...

Somehow Shelby is turning 1. I honestly can't believe the year has already gone by. Amazing.

To celebrate this event I have given some examples of how maybe a 1st child's birthday celebration and a 5th child's birthday celebration are very, very different.

-When it's your 1st child you send out "save the date cards" months in advance and special hand made invites with their professional photos 3 weeks in advance. When it's your 5th child's birthday you email everyone and spread the word on facebook. If you find a photo you have actually had time to print off you may include that as well(probably not).
-1st child gets every learning, walking, talking, dancing toy imaginable. 5th child already has those from previous siblings so you save some money on presents. (5th child bonus in my mind)
-1st child, You invite everyone, including people you see that morning at the grocery store, because you are just that damn excited. 5th child, you realize that as much as people want to celebrate with you there is no chance the President and his wife are stopping by. Needless to say you scale back the invites. Plus if you include their siblings you have a whole party right there.
-1st child, you buy out Party city. 5th child, you throw some decorations in the cart that were right by the check out stand and call it a day.
-1st child, You dress in your Sunday best. 5th child, it's a miracle if you get a chance to put make up on.
-1st child, You plan nothing else on the party day and spend hours preparing and decorating. 5th child, maybe you happen to be the Girl Scout cookie Mom for an older sibling so you wake up at 6:00am and go load 2600 boxes of girls scout cookies into your van to distribute before and after the party because by now you've hit maximum crazy so theirs no reason not to add this to your day.
-1st child, You write down all presents and who they are from. 5th child, you video tape and play back the movie so you can actually see what they got and who gave it to them.
And finally...1st child, You can't imagine another birthday or what they will grow up to be like. 5th child, you know it only gets better...

Nobody likes me...

One thing children always seem to be able to accomplish is to make things beyond challenging at various times. Having five children usually means someone is always challenging, it's usually Rusty but I digress.

Avery has reached the age of teetering on the verge of more self awareness and responsibility and not wanting to teeter on at all.

By and large Avery is a wonderful kid. A typical 1st born. He is very bright, very athletic, everyone likes him, he has a very good wit and he is very sensitive to others. He is also aloof, complacent, and overly dramatic. I wont say which one of his parents he is more like but I'm assuming you've already figured it out.

His new rationalization of why he shouldn't listen to his Father or I is because no one likes him anymore. A typical scenario would be "Avery please take out the garbage" "Why? Because no one here likes me so I always have to take out the garbage!" (dramatic storming off ensues). "Avery please don't push your sister, brother, dog, ect" "I can never do anything! Nobody here likes me!".

Now thankfully I have other Mom friends who are also experiencing this behavior. I know that this isn't because of some lack of attention he's receiving but because of his age/dramatic personality. I have a friend who's daughter wrote a note to her saying how much her family doesn't like her. Maybe it's a 1st born/oldest thing or maybe it's nine/ten year old thing but honestly I'm running with it.

Now I respond with sarcastic comebacks like "How did you figure it out?" or "I can help you pack for your new family". Some may say this tactic is cruel however I feel telling him what he wants to hear is the best medicine. It will also show the younger siblings I mean business and maybe they should avoid this behavior when they get older(That probably wont happen but I can dream can't I?).

In the end Avery knows we love him. He may come home to suitcases packed but he knows they're empty. I just hope he outgrows these "episode" before I am inclined to actually pack his stuff.

Have you experienced a similar scenario with your kids?

Sick Mom...Day 7

Okay so obviously I skipped days 4, 5, and 6 on this journey but I'm back today so we'll just gloss over it. I skipped those days because the children were home and I don't get much time to hole up in the office and type out a witty and yet vulnerable blog about a Mom who thinks there's no such thing as "having it all".

I am writing tonight even though, as I described to my friend earlier, grossly sick. I don't mean communicable disease sick or Christina Aguilera herpes sick but coughing up my right lung and choking on mucous sick.

I have no time to be sick so I'm going to the doctor in the am. I've had people ask me what I am going to do now that I'm not working. Well since I still have five kids, and I still go to school, and I still am on the PTA, volunteer at school, and am on every committee from here to Nantucket, I think I'll keep busy. This week alone I have something every night, not to mention the kids activities and Miss Shelby's 1st birthday party.

I really have no time to lay in bed and watch Marley and Me and eat bon bons till I no longer sound like a lady of the night with a bad smoking habit. Trust me I tried.

I don't even know why God tries to have us be sick. Is it an attempt to slow us Moms down? Because it ain't working. I do not know of one Mom who can ever just be sick. I have no such friends who can lay down for more than ten minutes without some child crying, or needing to be fed, or wanting something...anything!!!!

My husband stubs his toe and he needs to take a two hour nap. I vomit on the way to drop off and still pick up cup cakes for the cake walk. Some days I wonder how much simpler life would be if I was a man. Then I remember the dangle bits and that dream pops faster than a balloon at a 5 years old's birthday party.

I know these times go by fast so I really don't mind sucking it up when I'm sick and keeping life in motion. I know when they're all grown I will have time to be sick, or read a whole book, or have a nice evening anywhere. I can burn myself out just to insure they're happy because that's what we do, isn't it?

Bad Mom...Day 2.

Technically it's Day 3 but I didn't post yesterday so it's Day 2.

How is it possible to have a horrible and wonderful day all in the same 24 hour period? I guess that's being a Mom. Today started off rocky. We ALL overslept and so the kids were late to school. My husband blames me because he fell asleep on the coach and I was in the bedroom with the alarm clock that went off...twice. However I pointed out to him that Shelby woke up 5 times last night screaming crying and so when the alarm clock did go off someone who was in my body got up and turned it off without my knowing. He was not amused.

Once we got the day rolling my husband took Sydney to the dentist and I went to volunteer at school. I have been so busy working I hadn't been volunteering much and it made me feel like a slacker Mom. It was oddly refreshing to spend the day just volunteering, no major schedule, no deadlines, no drama.

 I have been so busy working full time these last 4 months I forgot how less stressful life could be. Ever since July of 10' my life has been on a high orange stress alert. Going through the treatment of my Mother's cancer was the hardest thing I have ever done. I took the marketing job to escape the pain of waking up every day and seeing her be sick. I needed something more to help me get out of bed in the morning. Try as I might, sometimes when someone you love completely is ill you can't help but wonder "what's the point to it all?"

Working (outside the home), just gave me an excuse to be absent from my life. I was absent from my kids and husband. I was absent from my Mom. I was absent from the struggles my sister(who is handicapped) has had. I was absent from my friends. I got up everyday and left...everything.

I loved working. I loved being challenged on that level. But I was maxing myself out. Why? Because it took away everything that was overwhelming. Colby having special needs, Avery having anxiety, Sydney withdrawing, Rusty having meltdowns, me being a bad Mother.

By withdrawing I was a bad Mother. I think every Mom always feels like a bad Mom no matter what. I know I'm always striving to give my kids better of me but to say it's easy would be a lie. By not being here and throwing myself into a job, a job I wasn't even making money at, that was being bad Mom.

So I resigned.

My whole life I have just wanted to be a good Mom. I knew I was never going to be a crafty Mom, or a baby reading flashcard Mom, but I could be an involved Mom and an around Mom. I still have lot's of things on my plate, especially since I'm still in school, but now I don't have something that takes me away from them everyday.

Right or wrong it's where I'm at.

Day 1.

Recently I've been debating about the course of my blog. What direction should I take this? Is this an occasional witty incident outlet or a daily journey of one Mom's slow, but eventual, trip to crazy town? I think a daily Bridget Jones style avenue is more up my alley. My secret desire was to always be a writer and even though I'm obviously not, this allows me to pretend I am. Sometimes pretending gets me through the day. Pretending I love hearing the same song sung to me a million times, pretending that my house is quiet, pretending I'm not completely exhausted and I would love to spend quality time with my husband, pretending the dog licking my feet is a pedicure. I pretend a lot. It's a coping mechanism.

So here we are February 1st (I think, I'm a little tired) ready to embark on my first day of a one year daily commitment to chronicle every aspect of my life. From refraining to sell Rusty to maybe eventually getting this working Mom thing down, I'm enforcing blog time.

So it began:
Today was productive and exhausting at the same time. I keep telling myself that once I get into a "groove" this will get easier but that doesn't seem to be happening. Shelby is so upset that I leave for work everyday she wont let me put her down when I get home. I stayed on top of all of my laundry 1 week and now I seem to have jinxed myself from a repeat. I have no idea how many hours I get of sleep a night but I know it isn't enough. Every night I lay down promising myself I'll get up and exercise in the morning only to discover I slept in again and I have 25 minutes to get 5 kids ready, 4 to school, and myself to work all while somehow looking presentable. I have no idea what's on TV and no time to read my trashy magazines to catch up on all the gossip. I really must know who the new Real Housewife is and how many nannies that b**** has.

Wake, shower, feed and dress kids, run to a meeting, run to another meeting, answer 5 emails, have another meeting, rush to school to help volunteer on some capacity, call vendor to find out where product is, pick up all kids, Try to resist urge to drop them all back off, take kids to activities, go to grocery store, say goodbye to husband as he leaves for school, try not to resent husband leaving, fix dinner, clean up dinner, bathe Shelby, homework with Colby, answer work emails, bathe all kids, read and put kids to bed, my homework, blog, and finally bed just in time to start all over again in the morning. Hope to wake up and exercise...

That's day 1...