Avery...

Every Mom loves their kids for different reasons. They also love different kids for different reasons. You never love one child over another but you do have a different connection to each. My connection to Avery is different on many levels.

When I was a kid I always wanted to be a Mom. When I met my husband I tried to have kids right away. I think I mentioned before that I got pregnant rather quickly. I was over the moon. I read every book, went to every doctor apt and when we went to find out if it was a boy or girl we found out something much worse. It was a girl. She was very sick. After a long week of lot's of doctor appointments and tearful nights we had to discontinue the pregnancy. My life was in danger and she was too sick to ever survive. I was 5 1/2 months pregnant and 18. I have regretted that decision every day of my life...and always will.

I got pregnant again 2 months later. I lost that baby at 6 weeks. At the time I figured God was punishing me for my earlier pregnancy. It was very painful.

Determined to have a baby I got pregnant again immediately after that. This time the baby was healthy. This time the baby was a boy. This time it was Avery.

I got down on my knees every day and prayed for this baby. In May of 2001 my water broke and after 24 long hours of labor I ended up with an emergency c-section. I had a huge, gorgeous, healthy baby boy.

Avery was the first baby I nursed. The first baby I laid with for hours just staring at. He was the first person to call me Mom. I have cherished these moments with all of my children but you always remember your first.

Avery is sensitive. He is funny, smart, loving, kind. He loves sports and reading and he is very mindful of right and wrong. He still gives me a hug and kiss in front of his friends. He sits with his little brother Colby and does home work. He feels pain when someone he loves his hurting. He is an awesome kid...and somehow he is my kid. 

He has also been through a lot. He has had broken bones numerous times and a split eye once. He has a heart murmur and an undiagnosed seizure disorder. He lost his hearing in his right ear 3 years ago. He has also had a tumor in his arm that almost prevented him from ever playing sports again. Just this past year he was hospitalized for Mono and the doctors were concerned he had tumors attached to his liver. Thank God he didn't but it was a long road.

In the past 2 years of his own health issues he also watched his grandmother battle cancer and his grandfather suffer a stroke. He spent an entire year in counseling and suffered from daily panic attacks. Watching my child suffer was more painful than anything I had ever known...or wish to know.

Have you ever held your child in your arms and tried to explain God's reasons or that everything would be okay and not to be scared all the while terrified yourself? Sadly, I have.

Avery can't ever be counted out though. He will always overcome. He has the spirit and the determination to go great places in this world and I know he will too.

He is an amazing kid who doesn't need someone spreading lies about him or gossiping about him. He's suffered enough. We just went an entire month without a panic attack. It's been a long road.

I don't know how to take away any pain he has suffered but I will do everything in my heart to try.

I always thought God punished me for losing my first baby, and sometimes I still do, I have had 4 miscarriages, but when I look at Avery, Sydney, Colby, Rusty, and Shelby I know he didn't.

God took away but he gave me so much more...and he gave me the best first child to start my journey that I could have ever asked for...