Halloween this year was a bit chaotic...to say the least. First of all it was on a Monday, that blows. Secondly I had major PTA events back to back Friday and Saturday night plus our normal chaos AND my husband worked the entire weekend. I am amazed I didn't rip my arm off and beat myself with it from shear mental confusion and exhaustion.
There were also a few things different about this Halloween too...I wasn't as fat as normal and I chose to celebrate that with a mild street walker esque ensemble. The fact that the lady bug skirt I was wearing lit up to showcase what looked like a million sperm on my thighs was just icing on the cake. There was also the wonderful circumstance of my husband working all weekend and my having to take five, yes five, small sticky humans door to door roving for gum gums and licorice. I took this as an opportunity to check out my neighbors and make pointed threats to the children that if they don't listen to me I am taking them right back to the house with the dead cat smell and stale pretzels...I am always looking for ways to "encourage" good behavior.
After we all put on our costumes (for the 4th time mind you) and ate as much of a healthy meal as a kid will eat on Halloween we ventured out into the dark, pillow cases in one hand, sanitizer in the other. We were the unstoppable Ulm's or at least unstoppable for an hour.
2 hours later...2 meltdowns down...2 more to go...we arrived back home. I was exhausted and surprised I hadn't lost anyone. We had 5 HUGE bags of candy and I could already feel my thighs bulging up again. I slid off my sperm skirt, crawled into bed, and Thanked God my husband was home so I could pretend to be asleep and then sneak out to watch TV. I survived the longest Halloween weekend ever and I was going to celebrate that...with some trashy TV and a bag of kit kats.
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