Those were the days???

Long ago in a land now far, far away I was a size 4. Shocking as this may be it is very true. I wore skinny little jeans and got free food. Doors magically opened for me. I never waited long for my coffee and I never went without a polite comment. Those days are long...long...gone. I'm lucky if someone moves out of the way of an automatic door for me now. I even get the occasional yes ma'am from waiters. I'm still 29! I can't get ma'am ed!!! When I work out, which isn't that often right now or for the last nine years, I am shocked by the woman in the mirror. When did my once cute Chinese tattoo stretch large enough to cover china? It's all so depressing...I need a brownie to recover.

Now that I've been back to work the sheer amount of stress in my life has exhausted ten pounds off of me. Granted I have 40 more to go but apparently it's noticeable enough that other Mom's have politely commented. So here I am feeling a little groove of self esteem and I decide to go shopping. Sydney and I head out on our "girls shopping trip". I decide to be cautious and grab some larger sizes because as we all know it's better to have them loose then too tight. We step into the changing room and I try 2 shirts on, shirts usually always fit so it's a safe start. I'm feeling good, I'm trying on clothes with a zest and imaging my new rock hard body by the pool this summer. Then I try on a pair of jeans. As I slowly pull them up I tell myself it's the lotion on my legs making them snug. Once we reach my formerly J-lo now Rosie bottom we hit an empass. I quickly pull the jeans off, throw my regular clothes on and tell Syd we're leaving. She looks at me quite confused and says "Why don't you just get a bigger size?". I look down at my beautiful daughter who has yet to feel the sting of womanhood fatness and I explain "That is my top size Syd, Mommy doesn't go higher than that!"  We all have our top size. I will wear sweat pants and maternity shorts before I buy above my "top size".

Do I want to get back in shape? Yes. Do I want to enter my 30's overweight? No. Does the idea of waking up early and jumping on the treadmill sound pleasing? No. What if our society looked at woman who accomplished raising a family, working, giving back to their community, volunteering for schools and churches as sexy. I'd be the next Gisele if that's how sex appeal went. But alas no. To be honest as a Mom of 5 kids who is also married food is my friend. Food loves me. It appreciates when I clean a room or balance a budget. Just last week food loved my work proposal and couldn't stop talking about the new fundraisers I'm doing. I see the jaded edge of the food love triangle and I'm really trying to ignore when it calls my name while I type committee minutes. I'm going to try real hard to break up with my bestie and make the treadmill my new gal pal. I know we can't be friends with benefits so I'll say goodbye but I think we need "one more night" before I walk away forever...