The Guilt begins...

I had my first real "working mother's guilt" this evening. While I was putting Avery to bed he broke down in tears. I assumed he was just over tired because when he is tired or sick he cries...a lot. However he was upset because in his life of constant change the change of my now working was bringing him down.

In the last six months his Grandma has been battling cancer, his Aunt has been struggling emotionally, his Grandfather has been sick, and now his normal routine is changing...again. To be honest it's my working is not that much of a change but to a 9 year old it's monumental.

In that moment of his tearing up I felt a pain in my chest and a lump in my throat and I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I know rationally I am because it's good for me and it is good for my family. But for a moment I wanted to stop it all just so he wouldn't have one more upsetting circumstance, one more change. I guess that's how a lot of working mom's feel and I feel grateful to experience that moment.

Because I'm not quitting my job and I am going to work tomorrow I figured bribery was the next best thing. So tomorrow when I'm done working Avery is getting a trip to the ol' candy store and a good ten extra minutes just the two of us. If that doesn't work then I'm bringing out the big guns and a wii game may follow...