They wouldn't call it work if it was easy

Today I had a very productive and downright exciting day. I had several meetings with clients and potential clients and met some new collaborators. I was on a cloud, floating home, ready to share everything I had experienced with my husband. I walked through the door with the glee of a kid hopped up on sugar plums and lollipops when my husband announced "Shelby took her first steps today". Almost immediately I felt a pain in my heart. I missed it. I've never missed first steps before. My cloud was gone, my glee reascended, and I stood there with a sadness over missing her milestone.

I think this was poignant for me on many levels. How many working Mom's have described missing their child's first steps. How many movies or Tv shows use this as fodder for their scripts. I think it's now even required in any script about a working Mom. She has these pivotal moments of angst to showcase the pull between being a working mom or a stay at home mom.

I had been a stay at home Mom for five years now and almost a month into going back to work I miss a milestone. It felt somewhat scripted, after I acknowledge I miss her milestone I run to the fridge and stuff my face till Ricky gets home and I cry to him about what a terrible Mother I am, too generic for my taste. 

I know I am a better Mom right now because I am passionate about what I am doing. I know I am fortunate enough to be able to be away from my kids only because I am doing something I generally care about. I also know that there are lot's of Mom's who don't have that privilege. I can't say I'll never be a SAHM again, but right now this fits me and my family.

I know that Shelby will take more steps...and I will see them. For now even though I was sad to miss this milestone I'm happy to be making my own.